Its Been A While

It's been a while
since i could say that i wasn't addicted and
It's been a while
Since I could say I love myself as well and
It's been a while
Since I've gone and fucked things up just like i always do
It's been a while
But all that shit seems to disappear when i'm with you
But everything I can't remember as fucked up as it may seem
the consequences that I've rendered
I've gone and fucked things up again

its been a while since I have blogged. Big blog ahead. Life in the past week has flown past me without any trace but that of sorrow and pressure. I turn around and I'm falling from grace, I revolve once again and I'm left picking myself up. A lot has gone on since the 21st of March. Lets take it day by day, that seems like my only option these days. The fears I have when I wake up are so real I want to crawl back into my warm blankets and bury myself in my fantasy.

Sunday, March 23rd - I didn't blog on Sunday because I was up from 4:00 AM until about 10:30 PM and that was by force due to my grandpas late arrival. I woke up, showered, put on my glamor face including a dress and heels and was off to Kody's for Sunrise Easter Sunday services at church and a long long Easter Sunday. It was pleasant, the whole family was their, and that includes both sets of grandparents, his great grandma, his aunt and her boyfriend and the immediate family/siblings. It was a ton of fun and it was another holiday spent with people I truly care about. Best Easter. (PS: not to give away Kody's secrets, but he turns into a freakishly cute and cranky 10 year old when hes tired)

Monday, March 24th - I didn't blog on Monday because even though there was no school I was busy getting all of my previously-procrastinated homework completed. Enough said.

Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursday March 25th-27th - I didn't blog on Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursday because school has got the best of me. I really have to step it up, and I'm trying oh-so hard. School until 2:00 PM then homework until about 11:30 PM and after that, blogging is not the 'B' word on my mind, but rather 'BED' or 'BLANKET' (:

So today I blog in lack of the previous-almost week. I have been contemplating life to myself lately. I now realize more than ever that Happiness is not something sitting for me on a doormat. But something harder to find than a golden ticket wrapped around a Wonka bar or a gallon of gas for under $3.00. Life isn't going to give me any slack. I have to fight for myself, and when I am thrown down, I have to learn to pick myself up. I can no longer rely on another human being for anything. In reality, nobody cares. Its tough to face as a reality, but once you do, you will be so much better off. (if that makes sense) Its hard. All my life, I pray for someone like that, someone to at least pretend that they care, to give me a sense of security and happiness and I thank god, that I have finally found him. Its the light on a dark situation. I love Kody Peterson. More and more everyday. && Contrary to popular belief, there are no stages of love. It is what it is, you create its definition.